The Unlikely Athlete

Let's just say up front that I have Never been an "Athlete" in the whole able-to-hold-my-own-in-a-particular-sport kind of Athlete. I played T-Ball and little league when I was a kid (even with a broken arm). My dad would drag my sister and I, every summer, to community games where I'd usually be planted in right field (reject spot IMO) to stand there and count the clouds. Occasionally, I'd be put on third base, but that was only because my dad was the coach and I could manipulate him to put me in a position that mattered. I don't even think I was any good. My dad just texted me and said, "You were fair; you didn't embarrass yourself."
Around middle skool is when I started refusing to go to practices and such. I felt that swimming in the neighbor's pool was way more fun. I remember this because I had to babysit (I know) said neighbor's kids and we spent so much time outside in the pool that I got a second degree sunburn all over my shoulders, arms, and back. Because of that, I had to miss a game and even a few days later, I was still tender and suddenly aware that the sun was no longer my friend. Thus began the abusive relationship we've endured since.
When middle skool came, I tried out for the basketball team but was the only girl who tried out not to get picked for the team. Well, okay, there's always volley ball. I think they took pity on me because I got on the volley ball team where I played less than average (I rode the pine so long, my spot began to wear). I don't remember how I played in the infield, but I remember that I was always taken out right before it was my turn to serve because whenever I tried to serve, I could never, I repeat, never serve the ball overhanded over the net. You watch all these girls serve it over like pros, and it looks so easy, but I think I missed that practice where they teach you how to serve like pro as opposed to the athletically inept. My team in the 8th Grade made it to Regionals and won, so I have a medal for that, but I didn't actually contribute except for a play off on the song "You're Unbelievable" I made up on the bus ride up there.
Oh, and I also tried Track. The cruel staff at my middle skool thought it would be a fuckin' riot to put chunky little me in the discus, shot put, and 100 meter dash. I would have to say that I accomplished a feat accomplished by no one else in the history of my skool. I placed absolutely last in every single event in every single competition that I attended. To this day, my unofficial "record" has yet to be broken.
I tried again with softball my Freshman year of High Skool. It was the end of summer and being a bergeoning teenager in rural Kansas, I was bored out of my skull! I was actually excited to go out and throw a ball back and forth and to hear the "clank" of an aluminum bat hit a softball into the outfield. Unbeknownest to me, all of the cool girls had this same idea and so when me and my other nerd friend Melissa showed up for practice that first day, I felt pretty intimidated. Mel and I sucked it up and started throwing the ball back and forth. It was weird though; my arm felt like spaghetti and I could only throw it a few feet at the most. It was unnerving. The worst part, though, was our first batting practice. I waited for everyone else to go (cause I was terrifyingly shy back then) and finally it was my turn. Step up to the plate, get in the stance, bend the knees, clench the bat, and focus. Here comes the pitch! SWING! ...and a miss. Okay, we'll try it again. SWING! ...and a miss. SWING!...and a miss. SWING...and a miss. SWING! SWING! SWING! I must have been trying to do this for about ten minutes when the coach stops us. Eventually, to my horror, he stands about halfway between the pitcher's mound and me and starts pitching the ball underhanded; like I was in little league all over again! And I still missed!!!! Finally, I just layed the bat down, took off my helmet, and exited the field and drove off with the knowledge that I am doomed to become an athletic supporter.
Amazingly, when my Senior year rolls around, my favorite teacher, Mr. Kennedy, announced that they've started a Girl's Golf team. Golf! I don't have to run if I play golf! I took to golf pretty well. I remember in our yearbook, there's a picture of me from the beginning of the season where we're at the range and the photographer took a picture of me mid swing. Let me tell you, it looks like I'm about to whack the ever-living shit out of that poor little innocent ball! Hahaha!!! Needless to say, my stance got better and by the end of our season, I had become the best player on the team (behind the foreign exchange student from Germany who won golf tournaments all over Europe and behind the girl who's father owned the golf course we practiced on)! I even got me one of those fancy "Letters" for the Letterman's jacket I was too cool to purchase.
After high skool was a year of college with me doing absolutely nothing athletic except walking to classes (when I actually made it to them). Next came the Navy where I was ocasionally forced to run and participate in some kind of sport, but it never worked out into anything of value and I certainly DID NOT enjoy any of it. I had maintained my committment as an athletic supporter and did not waiver. I hated most of the sports that were out there because none of them fit my personality.
Then came roller derby.
It was like when the monsoons finally come to the Serengeti; just when all of the animals are on the brink of starvation, the rains come which bring vegitation and grazing animals. I could do this I thought. It took me for-e-ver to learn how to skate again and if werent for the encouragement of the other derby girls, I would've quit at the peak of my frustrations at not getting crossovers. It's been such a roller coaster the last three years with skating as well I can, yet never getting as good as I have yearned to be. Last year was the toughest as I had wanted to be an All Star, and had thought that I had skated pretty freakin' good during the try-out, but learned that I was second to the last skater on the results page. During that, the incident after the All Stripes bout last May, and the fall-out after Commotion by the Ocean when most of the League quit, I remaind resilent. I stuck with it because I absolutely love strapping on my gear and racing around that track and the feel I get when I knock a bitch down especially a Jammer! I don't know how I'm going to function the next three or so years with not being a part of a team anymore. I guess, though, with the take (skool), there's gotta be the give (derby). My passion for derby is still here and always will be, but now I've got to put it on the back burner. It will be back though. Oh yes, it will be back.